Helen Banfield Jackson 1899 diary transcription
William S. Jackson Papers, Part 2, Ms 0241, Box 13, 1899 diary of HHJ's niece Helen Fiske Banfield, later Helen Banfield Jackson, transcribed by Nancy Knipe, 2006.
VC - Vassar College
A - Anne (sister)
N - Nathan (brother)
R - Richie (brother)
K - Kitty (sister)
M - Mamie (sister)
S.S. - Sunday School
W.sr - William (husband)
W.jr - William (son)
H - Helen (daughter)
G - Gardner (son)
(Prefatory material: The Excelsior Diary 1899 includes printed pages for monthly sunrise, sunset, moon rise, postage, interest and wage tables, countries, states, cities, value of foreign coins, tides, help in case of accidents)
Sun. Jan. 1, 1899
A very hard New Year's Day for dear W.sr, & we tried to keep each other brave, because of all that is left to us; but the lonliness [sic] without baby Margaret is unspeakable. None of us went to church, because of not wanting to take Everett & Roland among people. I was almost too drowsy to read this a.m. I read letters in the p.m., as "Papa" sat with us. He is watching Gardner very carefully, whose cough is not yet bad.
An easier day than yesterday. The burden seemed less heavy so that I was able to accomplish my necessary duties for house and children. Very sweet letters from Mamma, Mamie & Aunt Margaret, and I wrote short notes to Mamma, Aunt M, and Nathan. I took a short walk in p.m. with W.jr. & Helen, Anne P. going with us; we could not do all our errands as the stores were closed. I feel most desolate at night without my baby.
Tues. Jan. 3, 1899
I did not have a good night so everything went hard again all day. W-jr & H. returned to school, but it seems safer for all reasons to keep Everett & Roland at home until we see whether we are to have more cases of Whooping Cough. Little Gardner is not eating very well, but also not coughing much. Only a week ago, that our darling left us! It seems ages, & yet everyone is so kind. A note of sympathy & love from Anne at noon.
Roland six years old to-day - he & Everett were very good in their school hour with me at noon - it is pretty hard on them as well as Edith & little Gardner to have to stay in all day, but until we know the outcome of these coughs we do not dare to run any risks. I stayed in the playroom all the p.m while Nellie took her rest. The first part of it I heard W.jr's & H's lessons. I wrote a card to N, & a short note to A.
Thur. Jan. 5, 1899.
The coughs seem no worse so we cannot yet know whether we are to have any more cases of Whopping cough; Little Edith is decidedly better, and it is a comfort to see her eating so well. A cold day. I had a.m & p.m callers - friends who feel deeply with us in our loss of beautiful little Margaret, whom I miss more as the days pass without her. I must rouse myself from the apathy that has come with my bereavement; it is not fair to the other dear children!
The physical seems so easily dominated by the mental condition such times as these, but I trust the heavy burden will soon be so lighted that I can be more like myself. Callers came again to-day and I saw them; W-sr. away in Cripple Creek all day, so the house seemed very lonely. Everett & Roland very patient in their long siege indoors, of course little Gardner & Edith have to stay in also.
Sat. Jan. 7, 1899.
Still the kind letters some having loving messages of sympathy in our great loss. I seem to accomplish almost nothing these days, & eating seems very distasteful, -- but will trust soon that will all be different. Edith & Gardner had their little baths in the a.m., the other four Nellie & I did slightly at night, so there was supper in the playroom again.
Because of possible Whooping Cough cases, it did not seem best or easy for me to go to church, so I stayed quietly at home & read to the children a great deal. W.jr. & Helen out for short airings with "Papa." I wrote short notes to K, Mamma & R before dinner. W. & I had good talk in playroom
afterwards, & I wrote more upstairs, to Anne & Aunt Margaret about Molly.
Mon. Jan. 9, 1899.
The first morning I have felt in the least like getting up since dear baby Margaret was taken from me. I did not go to sleep after 5 a.m. so had a good hot bath & wrote a little before breakfast. Dear little Gardner seemed ill afterwards, & by nap time he was so restless & feverish that W. decided to call in Dr. Lawrence for the sake of the milder treatment for babies. He prescribes Aconito.
Little G. pretty sick all day taking only graham bread and plain milk. I felt very forlorn all day because of sorrow, anxiety and broken rest. Little G's fever abated a little towards evening. We had to use injection to get movement, & both caused considerable discomfort. Mrs. Barlow called in p.m. when I was resting on blue room lounge. Nellie stayed with little G. The others doing as well as we could expect.
Wed. Jan. 11, 1899
Little Gardner decidedly better, temperature almost normal but of course we are keeping him quietly in crib in my room. Dr. L thinks there is no doubt about his having Whooping Cough, so that on top of his present attack, does not make us very tranquil. I wrote Miss M., tho' that she need not come as our little boy was so much better. I took Helen, Everett, Roland and Edith out in p.m. for an airing, to buy W.jr. some clothes.
Very much relieved to have our little G. so much better; tho' he frightened us in the early a.m. by finding him entirely uncovered. I think our putting hot water bag near him & giving him warm water bag near him and giving him Warm [?] saved him from catching a serious cold. W.jr. & H. go to school regularly while our Everett & Roland are being entirely neglected by me during their enforced absence from school & from my room. These days are hard all around.
Fri. Jan 13, 1899.
I had such a nervous time last night that W. reported my condition to the Dr., & he prescribed [?]
[Vonica?] for the present. I know well enough that it will take more than that to straighten me out! But I must take every help I find. Little G. had a very good night and tho' coughing more, seems bright & playful till nap time. I did not dress him to-day at all. His movements still sluggish, & we have to give him injections. Mrs. [Touralin?] called when I could not see her, later I saw Mrs. Gregg.
Little Gardner did not seem so well to-day, eyes were again heavy looking and after lunch, on taking his temperature found it to be 101, so Dr. Lawrence returned to Aconito with [Ereta?] combination this time. The other five had their hot baths downstairs, -- Nellie staying with our little nimrod while I helped Anna with the children. I had another line from R. saying he should start East by the Southern sent to-day. So we shall not see him.
Sun. Jan. 15, 1899
A windy day - so all stayed in; of course I could not leave my sick little boy and I did not feel like insisting upon W.'s & H's going to church alone. So all the big four had to shift for themselves all the a.m. I was greatly relieved that little G. seemed so bright all day, after his return of fever yesterday; but he is so thin & white! While Papa played with him in p.m. I wrote short notes to Aunt M, Mama, & Annie.
Dear W's 65th birthday & not such a happy one as we had hoped it would be, with a little 10 mos. old baby M. in our arms,-- but how much happier she may be in the new home! Everett in bed today as well as Gardner! Dr. L. thinks the former's attack is simply indigestion, which I hope is so. Little G.'s kidneys again inactive, so we are no at all sure of the baby boy yet; I sewed some.
Tues. Jan. 17, 1899
W's and my night quite broken because of one anxiety for little G.; I went to Dr. L's office before breakfast, and the Dr. came over early, and at once bro't relief to little G. who seemed bright & lively all day. Everett much better so our two invalids were in the same room. Poor Nellie feeing "grippy," so she took her p.m. & went to get medicine from Dr. Gildea. W.jr. had his lessons in my room. Helen went to play with Anne P. Mabel L. called.
Too forlorn to accomplish anything and it seems all wrong that I cannot "throw off" my heavy heart with so much around me that is cheering and beautiful, but such is the effect of those deal little baby arms that I feel no more! Little Gardner much better, was dressed all day, as was Everett also, but both look very white. I hope we can soon have them out & so see the roses come again.
Thurs. Jan. 19, 1899
Nellie better, tho' she had a bad coughing turn early. Everett coughing more than he has at all and it is hard to see him, but he is up & about & dressed and is eating fairly well. I had a great many sweet letters-- glad of a good one from Mamma. W. jr & H. at school, the latter returned with dress all covered with milk, so I took that in hand with salts of lemon & made the red plaid look better than I feared possible.
H. had a lovely time with Miriam & Ruth at "Tea" last evening, but she was quite later in getting home, the Fraulein coming down in cars with her. I had a good letter from N. about business. I went thru' papers but did not write any. Everett & Roland on piazza at noon for a good sunning, & little G. out in p.m. for a short time. I could not get settled at anything that I ought to in p.m., but read "Out of the deep" by Kingsley.
Sat. Jan. 21, 1899
It just seems an impossibility to get up so every one was very kind and I loafed in bed til after lunch. Then it seemed easy & pleasant to go about my accustomed ways. Dear W. is most tender & patient, as are the little children during this siege of inertia that I am having thru' the effect of sorrow. I am trying not to be discouraged at its long continuance. I am sure with little G. so bright & merry again, & the others doing well, we have much to be thankful for, even tho' so sad without our baby Margaret.
A very disagreeable wind storm so I did not insist upon the oldest children going to church as I could not. I read to them all a little while after breakfast, but could not make it the profitable day for them & myself that it ought to have been-very very forlorn again in p.m. & yet every body so patient with me. Little G. & little E. both very bright, but hard on all to be kept in so much. I wrote some letters last evening.
Mon. Jan. 23, 1899
It is dreadful to have this month slipping away without accomplishing one thing, but I will not complain if my old interest and strength can return-it sometimes seems as if they could not without the dear little life that was so suddenly taken from us. I mended for wash a little in a.m., but loafed all the p.m. Mrs. Slocum, Miss Loomis, and Miss Dorsey called.
I sent acknowledgments to Xmas gifts. W. left us late last night for Cripple Creek, & even that short journey makes me feel lonely these days. Then a snow storm came which added to that sense, which shows how changed I am; before baby died, I loved every flake! The dear big boy W. & girlie H. very good to me & I hear their lessons, & try to do something for Everett & Roland while staying at home.
Wed. Jan. 25, 1899
Children all pretty well. One of the a.m.'s it just seem [sic] impossible to start myself, so just stayed in bed all day, not getting up till dinner time when I did keep W. company-it is not pleasant to write up such a day of idleness. Another sudden going away in our neighborhood, Miss [Crowell?] passed away yesterday p.m., so now poor Miss Sue is left entirely alone & how hard for her!
Tho' stormy I went out on a few errands when W. went down to the Bank. I did a little at schooling with Everett & Roland on my return, and in p.m. kept pretty busy for these days; but how thankful I shall be when the days come, if possible, full of thorough-going labor-now everything seems like pretence & that is wrong with the darling memory we shall always have of her who has gone.
Fri. Jan. 27, 1899
Another and I trust the last worse than useless day - I tried in vain to bestir myself about something in the a.m. Mrs. Donaldson & Mrs. Taylor called about noon, the latter seemed very sad as we spoke of the sorrows, & I suppose dear Miss Edith, her daughter is very very ill. I just could not see the callers in the p.m. W.jr. went to a party of just boys at George Shill[d's in?] at Miss Henry's. Miss Crowell's funeral to which we did not go. Helen not quite well.
Snow, snow, snow again, and how terribly lonely it does make me this winter, & how happy it used to, when I had all my darlings. I was able to work a little more today to-day and to be a little more to the children. Very glad of more encouraging news about sister. Alice & Marie C. sent a paper with a reference to "Capt. Banfield of the "St. James" in it which I am sure will gratify R. Helen coughing more again.
Sun. Jan. 29, 1899
I hoped to get to my own church but did not succeed. W.jr. and I did however, go over to hear Dr. Maislin's sermon on "Sunday observance" which was very good. On my return, I found little Helen's fever so high that I put her right to bed and began giving her Aconito. She seems to have a "grippy" cold. I read to her while in my bed. The others all pretty well.
A snowy lonely day, the sense of desolation is very great to me in storms. I kept H. in bed, altho' much better; her headache gone & fever nearly so. We let the little boys, E. & R., stay in her room at noon. W. had his lessons up there in p.m. for H's entertainment. I am too lazy for any usefulness yet, I would like to change myself.
Tue. Jan. 31, 1899
Still terribly hard to "take hold" again. I am amazed at myself & at the long continued indifference. It is simple [sic] terrible, and is not what the influence of baby M's short sweet life should be! But Oh! the loneliness without it, but that is no reason why I should not try [sic] help make other lives bright, and alas! alas! I must look out. Miss Stewart called in p.m. & bro't W. some stamps.
Wed. Feb. 1.
The coldest day of the winter, & W. in Cripple Creek; we missed his "firing" at the furnace tho' Annie & W.jr. helped. Helen at home from school because of intense cold and her lingering cold. Roland rather ["dumbstruck?"] all day - it is very hard on the children to be kept in so long. I stayed with them in p.m. I tried to work at my desk in a.m. but did not do much that counted.
Thurs. Feb. 2, 1899
Pretty hard on Helen to have to stay at home from school this week, but the weather is so severe it has not seemed safe to let her go out. Very glad W.jr. can keep so happy at school as I seem so good for nothing at home for the children of all ages. I cannot understand my desperate condition, which makes me feel as if I ought never to have come here to live!
Oh! Oh, Oh! days seem to grow worse instead of better. I had another day in bed which rightly made W. "wrought up"--and yet if I get up I am as useless as when lying in bed resting. What can break this horrible "something" that is again on me; dear baby Margaret's memory is not being honored by my acting this way but why didn't I have a Dr. see her sooner?
Sat. Feb. 4, 1899 and Sunday 5. [run together]
I just crawled around all day and made a pretence of attending to duties, but in reality did not & so it goes from week to week until there will be so much to be done that no body will want to have me around. You would think that the caresses of the other children & W's kindness in many ways would "bring me to." The desolation seems aggravated by the bleak cold weather which again kept us all at home from church, tho' W.sr. made his business trip to the mts, & which made us feel badly. I read to the children considerably all day, but without the feeling in it on my part that I should like to have! W. not home for the dinner we had waiting for him. Pipe burst in kitchen.
Mon. Feb. 6, 1899
We let little H. go to school again altho' the thermometer was above zero after breakfast. W. had to get up early-these days of excitement in mining matters seem to keep on the [wish?] the way I ought to be kept but cannot be. I have not even taught Everett and Roland at the noon hour as I should & my whole brain, mind & heart are in a state of chaos and unrest. Mrs. [Suls?] came for Frank & Joe.
I keep hoping each a.m. to "get hold" again, and each a.m. I am doomed & disappointed, & it just seems to be from a lack of will power more than from anything else. Even the children begin to hate to see me lie down, knowing how hard it will be for me to rouse myself again. What is the use of putting all my miserable feelings in black & white!! Oh, dear, Oh dear, Oh dear!
Wed. Feb.8, 1899
I again stayed in bed all day - the physical rest could do me no harm, tho' I do so long to be "at things," and yet fail to attempt them. Little Gardner looking unusually well. The very cold weather has made little Edith cough & "whoop" pretty badly again. Mrs. Slocum made one of her cheery calls.
W. & H. went to their Agassiz Ass. after school which is a very good thing for them. The little boys out for a short run each day. I put away clean clothes to-day and Mrs. Barney came to wash my hair in p.m.; I mended a little while it was being dried. Letter from R.
Fri. Feb. 10, 1899 and Saturday 11. [run together]
Another lazy day. Mrs. Slocum would see me in bed to talk over the going to Washington with her; the very tho't of leaving my children, useless as I have been of late, made me feel terribly, but W.sr. is getting anxious and what did he do but bring Dr. Tucker over to see and talk with me in evening; he said a change would be good, but that if I could overcome my depression at home, all right. He left a
Tonic which I wish might relieve the strain. Dr. Beach called as I was starting the few hot baths in play room. Little Edith seemed to have such a bad cold that we did neither her nor Gardner. Dr. B. very tender & sympathetic.
Sun. Feb. 12, 1899
I made an effort to go to church to hear Dr. Beach, taking with me W. & H.-tho' I did not wholly like leaving little Edith who seemed forlorn with her cold and stiff neck. I tried to make her stay in my bed, but she would not; she did stay upstairs all p.m.; I held her most of the time. W. telephoned to Dr. L about her.
Little Edith quite ready to stay in bed to-day, and while quite "spunky" the first part of the day, in p.m. her fever grew so high, I became quite restless before Dr. L. came. I sent W.jr. down to "Papa" to have him come soon. Dr. L. said there was decided irritation in her left lung and our hearts sank.
Tues. Feb. 14, 1899
A lovely little touching poem from Aunt Edith-she little tho't it would find her namesake so ill in bed. The well children had a happy time over their Valentines; Everett & Roland are very happy to be in school again, and I trust it is not going to be injurious to them. Dear little Edith's fever [rose?] to 105 and she seemed as if she was burning up. Dr. L. bro't Miss [Hale?] to help us in the care of her. Nellie had telegram & left us.
Very thankful that our sick little Edith had a let down of fever during night and early morning to-day but it soon began to rise again, and it reached 105 again this p.m. & my spirits were not lightened when Dr. l. said both her lungs were affected. Miss Hale makes her very happy & I am trying to get rested as much as one can when so anxious. Mattie came.
Thurs. Feb. 16, 1899
Greatly relieved at dear little Edith's improvement to-day - temperature kept low all day, & her asking for her dollies and having more appetite were all very gratifying - sad word about little Josephine Parsons, but I hope yet that she may be spared other family. Mrs. [Love?], Mrs. Barlow, Mrs. Hatch & Mrs. Gregg called, so I did not get much done in p.m. I wrote after dinner.
Little Josephine passed away last evening before her father could reach home; how my heart aches for them all, as only a mother's can ache who has been thru' a similar sorrow! I feel very thankful little Edith is so happy with Miss Hale, as I seem so good for nothing in the main. The other children seem very well. School agrees with E. & R.
Sat. Feb. 18, 1899
A bright a.m. for little Edith - tho' she looks pretty white after playing with her own & Helen's dollies. W.sr. in Cripple Creek; W. jr. & H. went out to lunch at Jack Hart's and then W. went to Wm. Bartlett's. Little E. had a little fever in p.m., about ½ degree. I had letter from M, enclosing long interesting one from Edith in Savannah which I must forward to Nathan.
A beautiful day-warm & balmy, and if our little Edith were only well, I am sure we should have had a family drive; I took the four older ones to church for the first time since little Margaret's death. Mr. Gregg's sermon good & helpful on "Bearing One's Cross." Miss Hale took a rest in p.m. so I stayed with little Edith, who looks very white, but seems bright.
Mon. Feb. 20, 1899
Edith still very willing to be waited on in bed, and we feel very glad Miss Hale is so congenial to our little invalid; but with Maggie & Nellie & dear baby Margaret gone, the whole house seems changed, and I do not feel the part of it I used to, and ought to be now, tho' I am think [sic] I am gaining some ground tho' very slowly, and it is hard for the rest.
Tuesday 21. [combined with Wed., Feb. 22, 1899]
A most terrible washing day. Sarah just had to give up at noon & go home to wait for pleasant weather; it has not been like a Colo February. Little Josephine Parsons buried yesterday, but I did not feel like going to the services because of all the strain at home. Roland very restless at night, so I took him in bed with me and I was not surprised in any way to discover that his throat was pretty bad. Dr. L. prescribed for him and said there was a membrane right across the throat, so that we must keep the other children out of the room, & that we must be careful about going in between E's room, & so I missed seeing little E.; she has hard times with her fevers. That seems the strain this week.
Roland better than we feared but of course had to be kept in bed still - he disliked the gargling so much that he kept quiet, apparently asleep more than yesterday,. W.jr. told Mrs. Barney that I would have to [make?] my engagement with her. Miss Hale took a little run out in p.m. So raw I did not let Everett go to school.
Fri. Feb. 24, 1899
Glad of a word from Maggie telling us that Nellie had reached home in time to have "conversation with her father" as M. expressed it. I meant to take a walk downtown, but Mabel L. called just as I was about to get ready so we visited together on the piazza. Roland much better and was up & dressed, but was glad to go to bed before suppertime. W. again went to Denver & returned late at night. Little Edith comfortable all day.
A coldish a.m. Little Helen read her lessons to me while I mended a little. Roland so spunky he would get up; I hope little Edith will want to get up soon - her return of strength seems very slow, & both Miss Hale & Dr. Lawrence call her a very frail little girl. We gave only four hot baths, less & less & Oh! how changed the playroom seems.
Sun. Feb. 26, 1899
The four, no three, older children for Roland's throat was not well enough for him to go out, and I slipped in to hear Chancellor McDowell's sermon on "Patience in Faith." Miss Hale took an outing in p.m. so I stayed with little Edith who seemed very happy & cheery & her strength is at last returning slowly. Greatly shocked in late p.m. to hear of Mrs. C. White's death in the St. Francis after an operation. W. went to see Mr. White after dinner.
Two months to-day only since our darling Margaret went from us. I did not rest very well so stayed in bed all the a.m. I hope it is the last time for many a day that I'll feel like doing this. I stayed with little Edith in p.m. while Miss Hale was out so did not see any callers except Mrs. Hatch who came upstairs to say Goodbye before going to Texas for two months.
Tues. Feb. 28, 1899
Quite wintry again. I was getting photographs ready for R. when a postal card came from him saying he had taken charge of the "St. James" temporarily" in Baltimore. I wrote also to Dr. Hast. In p.m. W. & I went together to Mrs. White's funeral services at the Baptist Church which were largely attended; afterwards, I called on Miss Crowell, Mrs. Parsons and Mrs. Washburn; and I came home very tired as they were the first calls since baby died.
Wed. March 1.
A reaction came, as I feared would come, after the effort of yesterday, in that I had another wretchedly idle a.m., not getting up til lunchtime. In p.m. I stayed with little Edith while Miss Hale took her outing, hearing at the same time the children's lessons for tomorrow. W. left us on evening train for Denver. Not the kind of a wedding anniversary we have had each year before this! Eleven years married today.
Thur. March 2, 1899
Thankful to feel quite spunky so that I could really work for the children-first putting away their clean clothes & then sewing for them. I fixed ribbons in one of H's ginghams. As W's return was doubtful we had noon dinner with children and then supper. Mrs. Adams & Mrs. Beach called before Mrs. Barney came. We had our supper about 7 o'clock, after lessons were all over.
The trees heavily ladened with snow and everything looked beautiful to those free from a heavy heart. A very long good letter came from Aunt Abbie at noon, making me ashamed of my great lonliness [sic] among so many little children, when she is without any young life about her. I fully meant to go to the [Max Bendi?] concert but slept past the time! As was the case with W.
Sat. March 4, 1899
Hard to get up and start the day - it made us all very happy to see little Edith dressed again after her serious illness, and she enjoyed walking around very much. W.jr. & Everett had their slough in a.m., and then W. went to Miss Henry's for lunch with Ginger Shields. A blustery day-five hot baths in late p.m. which seems harder to get thro' than formerly.
Mr. Gregg's Communion talk very appropriate to my lonliness [sic] of heart, "Making the Valley of Baca, a Well." The four older children went to church with me. W.jr. late. I read from Outlook to children in p.m. which little Edith was taking her rest - she came down in playroom later for her supper to see Dr. & Mrs. Slocum, who called.
Mon. March 6, 1899
A forlornish [sic] day for me, but the dear children so bright & well I ought to be more cheery myself again. Even I do constantly miss the baby Margaret. I mended a little in the a.m. and fixed black rosettes for hat but my courage gave up as to going to the musical in the p.m. at which Mr. Goldmark gave his new sonata with Miss DuPré as accompanist with her viola.
Dr. Lawrence came about 11 a.m. and left some pellets for little Edith and some more sulphur [sic] ones for Roland-he seems better, but still has a tendency to boils. He & Everett are both regular in school again. Miss Hale left us this afternoon. It was very good to have little Edith down to lunch again. I was out on errands at noon and sat on piazza a good while in p.m. W.sr. went to Denver on even'g train.
Wed. March 8, 1899
As W. was not here, we had noon dinner and I stayed with the children all the p.m.-it being little Edith's first day out of doors since her serious illness, she was out both a.m. and p.m. and seemed delighted to be out again. Mrs. Hamp called a few minutes while we were on the piazza. All these March days so suggestive of darling Margaret.
I worked over our clean clothes as normal this a.m., but not yet with full rigor! W. up in good season most every morning now-to-day he left late because of not returning from Denver till after midnight. The middle-sized boys went to dancing lessons and W.jr. and Helen went out into the ca?on on an expedition with their teachers.
Fri. March 10, 1899
A blowy [sic] windy day that made "Papa" & me feel uncomfortable. I tried to work hard but could not. I did answer Mrs. Sturgis letter of inquiry, and then I arranged bedding for tomorrow a.m. Because of so much going on tomorrow for the older children, I had lessons in p.m. till Mrs. Gile called. She asked for a contribution toward making Mrs. Ormes a life member of W.E.S.
W.jr. & Helen and Everett took their hot baths early, that is before breakfast, so that they would not have to be troubled after Gerald's party. W.jr went to two parties. Miss Wolcott called with a friend in the forenoon, & I always enjoy seeing her. There was so much preparation for the children's going out that I was too late to get ready myself for the meeting of Educational Society at Coburn Library.
Sun. March 12, 1899
I was very late in getting started for church with the four older ones so we did not go as far as our own, but stopped in to hear Mr. Tyler on "Come Unto Me." I read to W.sr. til he went to sleep on lounge, then read to the children till they took their walk late in p.m. with "Papa." Edith & Gardner in all day. I did not write any home letters, tho' I had time to begin on them.
W. up in good season. A little too raw for the little children to go out, but the big ones all went to school. In p.m. I wrote to R. whose word about the destruction of the "O'Brien" came in noon mail. I wrote also to Aunt Margaret, Helen Tufts (whose note about dear Aunt Mary's release came; last Wednesday she died) and Caroline & Nettie Holden, acknowledging the latter's Christmas bag at last.
Tues. March 14, 1899
Another fearful blow-the school children went out, but of course the little ones were kept in. I had notes from Mrs. Sturgis, Mrs. C.B. [Seldomridge?], and Caroline H. W.sr. stayed in bed till noon, so I read to him late. I took a short walk the latter part of p.m. and very glad of good letter from Anne with long one from Edith B. enclosed.
Very glad to hear from R., of his having been given the appointment of the "May Flint's" Captaincy. It will be a great source of comfort and pleasure to him, I hope, as well as profit. I stayed with children all the p.m. & heard lessons. I have had repairing done on playroom mats etc., so I hope I am gaining each week in accomplishing more for my dear household.
Thur. March 16, 1899
Our darling Margaret would be a year old to-day and how we long for her! The children all remembered the day at breakfast, and wished to see the baby sister's face. I decided to go with W-sr. to a small "Tea" at Mrs. Slocum's tho' it was a great effort, & especially this sad anniversary. Edith & Gardner were out a short time. Mrs. Barney came before I went out.
A reaction from yesterday's effort, and such I must expect, I suppose, till I am possessed of greater strength & reconciliation than has yet come since the baby M. left us. A raw day, the children all bright and well, and in latter part of p.m. I did go downtown and over to Hollander's room for an 11 & 9 yr. old pairs of trousers. I met Mrs. Gregg & gave way to grief before I went out.
Sat. March 18, 1899
The boys off at Lloyd and came home happy. Helen spent the day with Esther so she had a happy time. I mended pretty vigorously till lunch time when W. told us that Mr. & Mrs. Merriam were going East Monday night and that he would like to have them dine with us to-night. So he took invitation which they accepted & W-jr. did our errands.
A lovely a.m. and I was sorry to feel so little in spirit with the brightness around me. We did order the horses on our way home from church and it was very good to have another family drive, even if a sad one without our darling Margaret. We took posies to her little grave which the children saw for the first time. Oh! The lonliness [sic]of coming home without her!
Mon. March 20, 1899
How happy I shall be when, if ever, it is easy, and a pleasure again to rise early. I am sure I am glad for all the "bright happy morns" I have had! But for the sake of my children, I long for more. Mabel L. called just as I had finished reading morning paper to W. Children ate in school. I read in p.m. instead of sewing as I should! I did get off "skimpy" notes home.
As W. was in Cripple Creek, and I felt pretty spunky, I was glad to have Helen invite Mrs. Washburn's three little daughters to luncheon-nine bright little faces around my table. Mrs. W. called in p.m. and I told her I thought of the "other three" that are beyond. I went up to Mrs. Parsons on an errand & bought "Ivanhoe" for W-jr. to-morrow.
Wed. March 22, 1899
Our big boy 10 yrs. Old to-day. He invited Miss. Henry & George to luncheon as a quiet kind of celebration. George gave out at the last moment, so Miss H. came alone and made the children very happy; I was not feeling as brave as yesterday, & that was a source of disappointment to me, for all birthdays must not be as lonely as dear baby M's is.
I went to work, from sheer necessity, over the clean clothes and it seemed to take me twice as long as it need to, to put them away and, yet, I must get back my love of work, when so much demands my attention. Mrs. Barney came soon after lunch. The middle sized boys went to their dancing lesson; and H. had me to sleep after Mrs. B. had gone. I missed Mrs. Barlow's call.
Fri. March 24, 1899
I mended some and read some in a.m. W. in Cripple Creek and did not return till late dinner. I hoped to feel spunky enough to go to our church meetings, but I did not, so heard lessons and read in lounge. Mrs. Moss made me a very pleasant call. Eleanor W. came to play with Roland. Warm & balmy.
A good letter from Aunt Mamie from Pinckney St. telling of [Eva's?] marriage to Charles! A change in weather came--a regular blizzard before the day was over-tho' both W-jr. & Everett succeeded in getting to the Lloyd. We expected Nellie a little in p.m., but Mattie stayed of course until she should be here. Hot baths & Magic Lantern afterwards!
Sun. March 26 1899
Just too stormy to go to church any where; and I longed for the old time "sense of coziness" at home on such a day; it has never been mine since dear baby Margaret left us. Nellie came this a.m. & it was beautiful to see little Gardner's happiness at her return, as well as Edith's. Nellie looked wonderfully well considering her sad visit home. W. up late & took W-jr. out only.
Still cold & snow but not too stormy for the children to go to school. Just as I had finished [looking?] up the clothes for the wash, Mabel L. called to say she was going to Denver for a few days' rest. I did at last go to a concert again, taking little H. with me; it was an interesting "Persian Garden" one. Mrs. Robinson came down from Denver.
Tues. March 28, 1899
Only three months to-day since our darling Margaret was put from our sight, and it seems ages to my lonely bereft mother-heart. I wish I might feel the baby spirit nearer me, to comfort & help me to be to the others what I used to be and ought to be still! "The old light heart" seems gone out of me & that is wrong. I had lessons with children before dinner & afterwards heard Godowsky.
The children all seemed cheery & well and dear little Gardner and Edith are most happy to have their dear Nellie with them again. In p.m. I took most of them on car ride. Anna going with us as to bring the little children back while I went with the older ones to see Mrs. [Sauls?] who soon leaves town for good. Mrs. Slocum joined with us.
Thurs. March 30, 1899
I had the clothes to put away as usual and it did not seem quite so hard as sometimes of late. W. slept late. I was reading with children when Mrs. Barney came; the four big ones are having their Easter vacation and E. & R. did not quite want to go to their dancing lessons but were good boys about it. Roland has quite a bad cold.
A raw snowy day--& it just seemed impossible to get out of my bed--& there was no reason to be so idle! I hope it is the last a.m. of the kind! Frank & Joe were here before either I or W. was up! It was too damp to play out, so I stayed with them in playroom while Nellie went to Good Friday services. I was sorry not to feel like going to our evening services.
Sat. April 1, 1899
W. went to Denver on 9:35 a.m. train. The boys had no Lloyd. Helen invited Anne & little Dilwyn over to luncheon so I had a lovely table of children at noon. The p.m. was too damp for the little ones to be out, but the older ones were. R's cold quite severe, but better to-day. W. home in time to go over with me to Miss Stuart's to dinner & then all went to hear Ian Macharen[?], who was delightful.
A beautiful Easter Sunday, but a sad & lonely one for me, except in the belief that dear baby Margaret is happier in her New Home than with us. The four older children heard the Easter sermon, with me. It was too windy for another visit to little Margaret's resting place. I read Outlook while "Papa" had the children out on their walk.
Mon. April 3, 1899
It was a pleasant day, so I made the effort and took my four big children to Denver for the day, and they were all so good & interested in the trip that I felt repaid. We called first on "Aunt Caroline" at Miss Wolcott's new instruction School, then on Mrs. Moss, then on Mrs. Hallett & Mrs. Hobson[?], it being the first time I had seen the latter since her widowhood; she takes a world of comfort in what I have lost-the baby!
It was easier for the children to get up & start again than for poor "mither." The days ought to be so full but they seem so empty compared to what they were before baby M-left us. I got out toward evening & made a short call on Miss Dorsey after having voted the straight Republican ticket for mayor etc.
Wed. April 5, 1899
I sorted clothes and so forth a little before breakfast, and while I feel better in some ways, the old "spunk" does not return. W. bro't the news that W.B. is coming to the far West again; he decided to accept the position offered him in Cañon City-with-out waiting to hear from W. So snowy I stayed in all p.m. & lessons again in my room after the children's good rest.
I went to find my card case to-day & could not, but W. had it. I dropped it at station and it was returned to W's office. The little girls & I went after lunch to thank Miss Howbert for her pretty Easter remembrances. Mrs. Barney came later. Mrs. Lunt called in a.m. I stopped reading to W. as soon as he was asleep & fell asleep myself.
Fri. April 7, 1899
Not good for much in a.m. but reading. Miss Hale made quite a call in the piazza & at noon I took a "start" and left things as I should before going to church services at 3 p.m. at which Mrs. Slocum presided; after thy were over I called on Mrs. Washburn, Mrs. Taylor & Mrs. Stevens & her daughters.--& quite tired on return.
Between Lloyd lessons, & H. & R. going out for lunch, & the others going to hear Miss Howbert use the "phonograph," I seemed to do little except "help" the children dress in a.m.; and in p.m. I read instead of mending before hot baths-the former seems to be my resource when missing the baby inexpressibly! But I mended after dinner to make up.
Sun. April 9, 1899
The day most beautiful, the children all out soon after breakfast. I read the Outlook stories to them on the stone carriage step, then had Bible lessons with them later when Anna was with the little ones. Edith's cough better, but the others coming down with the same cold. W. jr., H, E, & R. went to church with me; Mabel L. came home to lunch with us & then drove off into the lovely sunshine & woods with us.
Hard work to get started, but did at last and was glad to find that Miss Stewart could make the chicken salad & cake for W's whist party to-night. I did errands for the dinner also - W. jr. ordered the flowers for me after lunch. I was horribly listless all the p.m., but Judge Hallett, Mr. Clayton seemed to enjoy their dinner here & the game in the evening.
Tues. April 11, 1899
Quite shocked to see in paper the notice of Mr. F.H. Thompson's death yesterday. I wonder if Mrs. Clark & Mrs. Backus had sailed for Europe. I did a little puttering over drawers etc. in a.m. and got sewing ready for Nellie, who seems so brave & quiet in her sorrow that she is a constant lesson to me. W. sr. a very hard cold with the children, hence I do not dare to have their hair cut.
I did not get at my work upstairs til towards noon, as Mr. Murphy was at work in my sewing room. W. too forlorn to go down town at all, even after lunch, so I had children's lessons in playroom near him. He evidently has a touch of "Grippe" and ought to be very careful. The other colds better.
Thur. April 13, 1899
Put away clean clothes as usual in the a.m.; looking for mending also. It has been the week of Mr. Murphy's mending indoors. I have also had a man make over two of our mattresses. Roland's and little Gardner's. Mrs. Barney came in p.m. Mr. Alter & his sons began their painting of our house to-day.
It was as much as I could do to get down to breakfast - the children had finished before I put in an appearance - the rest of the day went hard. I did write a little - telling Miss Gardner of baby M's going. I was very glad to hear from her again, & to know that she is more comfortable than in the winter.
Sat. April 15, 1899
Helen very happy to go off to the Woods? in the a.m. With Miss Baughman, she returned in time to go to Anne's for lunch, she stayed there also for bed. Mrs. Hart called to take her to the Woods for the p.m.! I had a good day for me, because of enjoyment in work. I cannot see why it goes so easily & comes so hard, since my great sorrow of heart!
Little Margaret would be 13 mos. old to-day, if she had stayed with us. I had a meager S.S. after breakfast and then did not go to church as I hoped to with the four oldest children. My spirits dull & deadened all day. W. took all the tots off in p.m. in the electric cars, & they came home happy with flowers and pebbles about 5:30 o'clk. A Summer-like day! I read to children some & to myself also.
Mon. April 17, 1899
Very good to be in working mood and condition. I wish I could feel certain of it all these Spring days when so much needs my constant attention; I to-day made ready for Will's coming to-morrow, & sorted out summer & winter clothes belonging to the children. I was thoroughly tired at night, but heard the children's lessons as usual.
The peculiar apathy that has seized & beset me so much since losing my baby, came again. Will's coming about 10 o'clk roused me some and the children were much interested in his return. He wanted me to call on Mrs. Donaldson with him in p.m. which I did with some effort. We stopped to inquire for little Ruth Gile who is ill with pneumonia.
Wed. April 19, 1899
Poor Will did too much his first day in Colorado for six years and woke up with a headache, so he had to stay indoors & quiet all the a.m. He walked down town in p.m. I stayed with children, hearing their lessons etc., while Anna was taking her rest. Mrs. A.E. Hart called and also Mrs. Griffith and Miss Jennings. So windy I did not get out as I had planned.
Dear little Helen 9 yrs. Old to-day, and I was sorry not to have her present ready, -- but in late p.m. after Mrs. Barney had done my hair, I took all the four big ones down for a little ice cream treat at the St. Stephens Fair and then bought my dear good [little?] big girl her "Little Women." She is always so happy to have a book or a dolly!
Fri. April 21, 1899
Will left us yesterday p.m., and will hardly return for a Sunday with us until after Mrs. Donaldson returns. I let Everett & Roland have their hair cut in the p.m. and they were so much improved. I went to see Mrs. Slocum - in her recent & great bereavement; Mrs. Winfield Slocum died yesterday; but I did not see Mrs. S. as she was visiting so called on Mabel and Miss Dorsey.
I am so thankful to have the getting up easier than it has been since baby Margaret left us; that is a gain, so I must be patient for the other traits to return. W. jr. & H. went to see the baseball game with Miss "Bloomis" who took dinner with us last evening & then went to see "Mikado." Dear Dr. Hart called just as I was in the midst of breakfast!
Sun. April 23, 1899
The children all very good at breakfast and afterwards and I went to church with my four big children and Mr. Gregg preached a very good sermon on the spiritual life. We went to our little darling's and Aunty's grave in the p.m. and gathered wild flowers and all the dear six so happy but Nellie & I are constantly missing the little seventh; if she only knows how we miss her & love her! The getting home without my baby, Oh! dear.
It was hard to get started, but did not something all the a.m. & p.m., tho' not feeling very spunky. It was pleasant for Everett & Roland to have Clement & Harold Giles to lunch & to play with them all the p.m. W.jr went off to a baseball game with some of his friends. Prof. G. called for his little boys & said his dear little Ruth was not any better.
Tues. April 25, 1899
The atmosphere of my mind quite clear - as it often is not these days, so I sat down at my desk and wrote a few letters till W.sr. called me to read the paper to him. He did not rest long after lunch. The children were divided in p.m., the big ones going to join their little friends at Mrs. Whitbeck's party and Edith & Gardner staying at home with Anna. Mrs. Kennedy called and we walked Anna to Miss Stewart's together. I gave Miss S. my New England dinner ticket, as W. & I did not feel like going to it. Annie forlorn all day.
I fussed over clean clothes some but felt very dull and discouraged - poor little Edith quite ill at her stomach in the evening and again this a.m., & yet wanted to be out between times. We cannot quite understand what upset her. It was so windy that between that fact & my wanting to watch Edith, I did not go to call on Mrs. Moss at Mrs. Slocum's as I had planned. Mr. Alter & his son finished outside of house to-day.
Thurs. April 27, 1899
The floors were begun to be freshened up to-day - poor little Edith better but not quite herself yet --; she kept out of doors with little Gardner. I began on books on low shelves in Library, & also went thro' all the drawers to my desk which sorely needed my attention, so I worked hard all day and enjoyed it. Everett & Roland went to their dancing lesson. Mr. Shepard came for the druggets.
I had another discouraging day - tried to get as busy as I succeed [sic] in being yesterday but failed! Glad of letters from dear Mamma at last. She is evidently very tired and lonely since R's sailing. His return to port for new sails quite startled them; he encountered such a heavy gale on leaving N.Y. that he had to put back for stronger sails. W. & I too stupid to go to debate between the Nebraska University and the Colorado College boys.
Sat. April 29, 1899
Edith much better but poor little Gardner taken to-day - it does seem as if all the discomfort must be caused by the paint. I worked away on Saturday mending when not with my sick little boy - he grew so much whiter at night that I told W. sr. that I thought we'd better have medical advice, and it did seem good to have Dr. Hart again - he prescribed white powders for the little boy.
The night was not so hard a one for Gardner as you would have thought after his hard day yesterday - all day to-day he was feverish & dull; his old "fire" does not appear in the languidness of fever; but the only medicine he has had since the powders has been one teaspoonful of Castor Oil which he took like a little man. It made him a little "Saggy" again, and up to midnight he was restless. I stayed at home from church with him - it was so windy I did not force the children to go.
Mon. May 1, 1899
The children had a good time distributing their May baskets and we were very glad that little Gardner had Enjoyment in his. His fever has gone and he was glad to sit up in his bed and play. It grew very windy in the p.m. & yet I let the well children play out. Poor W. jr. taken to-day so he had to stay at home from school. Dr. H. very kind to me & said very plainly that I must have a change, so wrote about going to Newport, after talking with W. in evening.
W. jr. quite disappointed that he was too "squeamish" to return to school as he had planned. Little Gardner much better - after bathing him he sat in my rocking chair till his nap time but he & W. are taking their Milk of Magnesia in Manitou water. The playroom still entirely upset in its being thoroughly overhauled, repainted or varnished etc. Very thankful to feel so "spry" all day. I believe just the thought of a change does me good.
Wed. May 3, 1899
I told Dr. H. when he came to find little Gardner so much better, that W. & I had talked over the plan of going east etc., and that I thought we'd have a better time if all went; of course it is a tremendous undertaking but I trust it will do the children as much good as we want it to do me. Nellie had the children to herself while Anna took a rest - I had the big ones in hearing lessons.
Anne & I very glad the showers have begun to come after all the tiresome wind. I was just as busy as could be putting pictures back in the lovely finished play room; I was pretty tired when p.m. came and was glad I had sent word to Mrs. Barney, that I would not have my hair done this week. The "extras" all go so much more slowly for me than ever before.
Fri. May 5, 1899
The dull, disheartened feeling does not come with such regularity now nor is it of such long continuance, -- and I am thankful to say, -- but I did feel pretty forlorn all the p.m. as did dear W.; he slept on lounge till nearly 5 p.m., and I read back NY Posts till then. Little Gardner quite recovered and merry again. Good letter from Mamie.
Lloyd and lessons took most of the a.m. Helen had a good time under the trees all the a.m. with Anne & Dilwyn & her little people. A splendid shower came up in p.m., so the base ball game did not take place and our four older children were disappointed. I mended till hot bath time. We did not give Edith & Gardner their baths, because of cold.
Sun. May 7, 1899
A windy blowy disagreeable day - just the kind to set one's nerves agog. W. jr. the only one to go to our church. I took the other three children to hear Dr. Slocum preach - his text was from Ex. 14:15 and was helpful to me; nose cold seems to be "on me" again - I took to bed, for the p.m. and I hope it will be the last "loaf" at home of that kind; I am still so disheartened at times.
Very thankful to feel better and to be up & doing pretty vigorously. W. sr. went to Cripple Creek, so Annie & I put linens on downstairs furniture. Just as I was about making some calls in the neighborhood, Dr. Hart called for a moment or two. A beautiful shower came after he went. I am glad Dr. H. thinks it is nice for all to go East.
Tues. May 9, 1899
I worked on summer fittings for blue room most of the a.m., til W. called me to read his paper to him. There is still considerable "talk" in town about small pox, so at noon, W. telephoned up to Dr. H. to come & vaccinate out little children. He turned up the latter part of p.m. & "did" 6 children, Anna, Sarah & me!
Greatly shocked to receive telegram at breakfast telling us of little Rebecca's death, -- poor Aunt S -- & brother Caleb! - how my heart aches for them! I wrote to Kennett at once. Busy upstairs all a.m. & in p.m. took Everett & Roland down town with me on errands. Selected wall paper etc., and a few sailor hats for this summer. A's big boy 15 to-day!
Thur. May 11, 1899
It seems very long this year, this getting thro' the painting and spring extras - some days too, I can make so much less headway than on others. Anne's and Will's letters received about going to Mrs. Barker's this summer; we cannot make definite decisions till we hear from Mrs. Barker herself. Mrs. Barney came to do my hair. Miss Stuart & I went to hear Miss Olin's reading; I was too stupid.
Mrs. Barker's letter came as regards times for our summer accommodations, and W. & I in talking it over decided that we needed the downstairs room, whether we took the other four or not. W. decided to send telegraphic message to find if it were still at our disposal. Kept very busy all day and tho' missing my baby all the time, at last, I am braver to bear her absence. My face broken out.
Sat. May 13, 1899
The last day of Lloyd lessons for the big boys, so they brought home all their tools and were happy, in their possession, W.jr., taking his to his 3rd floor room, and Everett putting his in his tool chest. Helen, Roland, Edith & W.jr., went to hear the phonograph at May Howbert's and came home, very happy. I had letters from home saying how glad they all are that we plan to go East this summer. Hot baths as usual.
I had a short duration of suffering, of the mental kind, before going to church. The four older children went with me, & were a comfort to me during the communion services, tho' they are so sad to me now. We all had a drive in the p.m. to the cañon, taking Bennie & little Eleanor Van Vechten with us. Of course I longed to go to Margaret's grave, but it seemed wiser not to do so, because of the small box so near.
Mon. May 15, 1899
It is good to have it so cool and comfortable; it helps wonderfully in going thro' all that has to be done preparatory to our departure for the summer. At last I finished all the summer work in blue room, and sorted out some more of the winter clothes. Mabel called just as I was ready to rest. In p.m. went out on errands again, so was ready to go to bed early.
Our darling little Margaret would be 14 mos. Old to-day, if she could have stayed with us! Mrs. Parsons called and it is just three months to-day since her beautiful little Josephine died; she stayed in her earthly home only a year longer than our precious baby girl whose company I miss every hour of the day. Busy at extras nearly all day, & thankful to feel like attending to them.
Wed. May 17, 1899
Lonely as the going thro' the little clothes I had hoped baby Margaret would wear, I am so thankful to feel stronger & like working nearly all the time again! Miss Clark came to lunch and gave the children a happy afternoon; just she and I were in charge by ourselves for dear Nellie did not feel well and went to see Dr. Gilden who said she needed a rest before going East; Sallie will help me out [as she has been helping Helen Sharon to take a little vacation the past week. -this text continued into next day's entry.]
[text from above continues here] I went down town on errands for children & self which took most of my a.m. ; after lunch I slipped down again to have satisfaction of [Nit'ge?] executed for Nathan. I am so sorry to hear that his little Gertrude has whooping cough. Nellie thinking of taking a rest next week, & I know she needs it or she would not have consulted with the Dr.
Fri. May 19, 1899
Poor Nellie did not feel at all well, so just had to give up in p.m. and go to the Glockner. W.jr. took her bag for her to the cars. Sallie will be willing to help as nurse beginning Sunday p.m., for by that time Helen S. thinks she will be rested enough to take her department again. Busy at extras all the a.m. and of course there was not much p.m. because of Nellie's going.
It seems lonely without Nellie. We did not have the playroom cleaned this week, so that Anna could relieve me sooner. I heard the children's lessons while in charge. We also abandoned hot baths at the usual time, as I went to bid Mrs. Taylor "Goodbye" and it was a sad one, with her sweet Edith so very ill to start out on the long long journey! We bathed the four big ones after dinner.
Sun. May 21, 1899
The first Sunday since my precious little baby girl was taken from me that I have had a little "Sunshine of the Soul." I felt too tired to go to church, so my dear "big four" went by themselves just as good as could be. They all went driving in p.m. Sallie & Annie both going so that I could take a rest, but who should turn up, but Wm B. J.; he took me on a little airing after the others returned.
Right after breakfast, I ran around to Miss Hattie's to see if Miss Helen & Mrs. Hood were coming, so as to have them in while Will is here. Miss H. expected them so we made our preparations for informal dinner. Mrs. Hill came in Mrs. Hood's absence. It is a great source of relief to me to again enjoy having friends in - the other condition has seemed so unnatural!
Tues. May 23, 1899
A happier birthday (the 40th!) than I dared hoped for, since my sad, hard winter, -- Mrs. Hallett's coming was lovely; her presence is always a source of strength & comfort. Mrs. Maguire stayed on till evening train so I was able to give her & Mrs. Hallett a drive in p.m. Mrs. Thayer called just before we started for the cañons. W. sr. enjoyed the Tesla dinner very much.
Rather tired after yesterday's jaunt but also refreshened in mind & body by dear Mrs. H's helpful visit. I did not get quite so many extras done as I hoped to because of having to spend so much time out of doors. Nellie told me she could not go with us, so I hunted up her successor finding thro' Mrs. Slocum that Lizzie Eliott would go with us. W. seemed pleased with the plan.
Thurs. May 25, 1899
It is all settled that Nellie is not strong enough to go East with us, & that we are to take in her place the College young woman Lizzie Eliott. W. sr. was as pleased with her as I, so I hope the plan will be successful. Out on errands, so made a little call on Misses Dorsey while they are still in Dr. G's house near us. It is so good to enjoy being busy again!
I did not get up as early as I hoped to, but only too glad that work again seems not only easy but joyful, tho' not missing my blessed little Margaret one whit less than when I seemed so paralyzed. Sallie took little Edith to Dr. Hart who gave a prescription for her mean little "hack" - her tonsils seem so enlarged. They went to see Nellie who is sitting up a little. I did a little packing.
Sat, May 27, 1899
I had one of my very early wakings and so accomplished the hardest part of my day's work before breakfast - the going into the cellar and getting out rugs etc; & looking over trunks to go East. Then mended which rested me during later a.m. W. slept till noon; the children had a grand play, Helen taking lunch with Anne P. Hot baths came in regular fashion to-night; Mrs. Stevens called & saw me in playroom.
A bright beautiful a.m., and as we do not expect to be here for Children's Sunday, I took little Edith to church for the first time, & she was just as good as a kitten. Mr. Gregg's sermon on "Watching." In p.m. went to our darling Margaret's little grave & place[sic] the first cuttings from our snowball bush there. We took wildflowers to Nellie on our return & Gardner & I were glad to see her brighter. R a cold.
Mon. May 29, 1899
Considerable preparation for this week's washing which will be very large. Roland felt too forlorn with his [cartarrhal?] cold to go to school and yet not too ill to keep out of mischief-poor little man! He soaked Edith with hose, so had to go to bed when she & Gardner took their naps. Mable called in a.m. & Mrs. Washburn in p.m. I enjoyed both visits very much.
It is such a joy that I can again "take hold" of things in the old way, tho' missing my darling baby Margaret all the time. Roland went to school & lost his books on returning home. I was just as busy as possible all day; the boys thought it fun to help me out with the trunks. Now they feel as if they were really going! I went to Miss Stewart's for a cup of tea in honor of Mrs. Holm.
Wed. May 31, 1899
Still no rain, but most thankful for the bright cool a.m. Roland went to school, but came home looking tired. W. sr. took him to Dr. Gilder, who said he had a third tonsil which ought to be removed, so an appointment was made for Sat. a.m.! I made headway in packing, but sorry to have to contemplate the above kind of an interruption. Judge and Mrs. Holm called.
Thur. June 1.
Up before the birds so accomplished quite a little before the house was astir; I had to skip out on errands and to the dressmaker's, so not much time for packing during the day. Mrs. Barney came in p.m., our trunks all went to be repaired. Nellie called at noon, but did not seem as strong as we might wish. I am so thankful to feel like myself again.
Friday June 2, 1899
No interruptions to-day, so I made good headway on packing. I am soon to leave the cellar in an uncleaned state, but Henry will see to that after we are gone. The children did errands for me in p.m. & also for themselves, getting ready for their picnic to-morrow. I made out checks for last month, & gave orders for flowers on Clark's bill.
Poor little Roland had to go thro' quite an ordeal this a.m., in having a third tonsil cut out-Dr. Gilder & Dr. Hart arrived soon after 10 a.m.-the poor little fellow was pretty brave till he saw the kitchen table, etc. in preparation-he stayed in bed all day and was very good. W, H, & E. had a good time on their picnic, hot baths on their return.
Sun. June 4, 1899
Still no rain, but very cool & comfortable. I wrote a note to Mamma before breakfast. As Roland was not feeling very spunky after yesterday's experience, we all went over to the Baptist church and heard Dr. Henson of Chicago preach on the "Desire of All Nations." We had a happy family drive in p.m. to Manitou-all but the lonliness [sic] without baby Margaret.
Up with the birds to go on with my [work?] in packing, because W. has taken the stateroom & adjoining berths for Wednesday night. It was a comfort to have no callers so I made good progress. Poor W. jr. hunted in vain for his [report?] Roland spunky enough to go to school with the others. Dr. Slocum took dinner with us which was pleasant.
Tues. June 6, 1899
Not a bit of a scramble all day, but just good steady work; I had to go out on my last errands, so that I did not have as much time for trunks as yesterday. W. jr. very happy over his retention of the medal, and little H, also, over her book, "The Little Colonel" as her prize for best average. And little boys came home happy too; and no more school!
It is just a year ago that our dear baby Margaret had her first serious illness & Miss Bradley was with us; dear little daughter, how I am missing in all these happy preparations for the others; by keeping steadily at work all day, I finished the packing and it was very pleasant to have Will turn up for dinner with us, and to see us off on our train.
Thur. June 8, 1899
Just a year ago our darling baby Margaret was very ill and here we are going East without her, and it is still so hard to live without the precious baby girl, sweet as it is to be going to my people again. The children all up early for breakfast and proved themselves good travelers all day. I was dull-the loafing felt good. Annie tired also.
W. jr. woke us all early so as to see the Mississippi River, & the whole stateroom party was dressed much earlier than was necessary. Annie left us when we reached Chicago, and there we had a good breakfast, & left for Boston at 10:00. Helen found some sweet "twins" on board and so there was visiting all day among the little folks.
Sat. June 10 1899
It has been a delight to W. & me to see what wonderfully good travelers all our little folks have proved, from little Gardner up! The day did not seem long at all because it was our last one, --and how good it was to see aunt Mamie at the station & later Grandma and Aunt Edith joined us-the latter ready to go to Newport with us, which we reached about 8 p.m.
It was quite a job to get all the dirty little travelers thro' their hot baths & ready for breakfast! Mrs. Barker had everything in readiness for us. We loafed all day-the children had to go to the beach and came home with such wet feet that we let the older ones go barefooted at once. I had to take a nap in p.m. Air very good even tho' damp.
Mon. June 12 1899
W. wanted to go in town and as his jr. was too enamored of the salt water, I decided to accompany him. Dawson gave us a lift to the trolley car, -- and we had a good time doing errands together and then walked out-that was pretty warm work and not so good for my broken out face as it might be. We both rested in p.m. The children very happy at beach both a.m. and p.m.
I had a great time over my large washing list but I had the soiled clothes out at door in good season, and it will not be as large again with the boys & girls barefoot & in overalls! I can just sleep any time I give myself a chance in this damp foggy climate-it seems to suit us all. The children very happy in the change and it rests me.
Wed. June 14, 1899
Pretty sultry, but all the moisture does feel good. I mailed my letters, or rather had them ready for Dawson early. Still too foggy for us to take the ocean drive so "Papa" took five of the tots into town with him, and I stayed and read to Everett. Miss Woolsey sent me a rose by the children which I put near Margaret's photograph. Little Gardner seems to be doing very well indeed and Edith as plump as butter.
Another foggy day, but still we do not mind it, the poor little feet getting better, and Aunt Edith very faithful in her nursing of them. I had a good letter from Anne & Mamie, --the latter getting discouraged about going to Wolfboro; as Mamma has not yet begun packing for her return. The days here very lazy & comfortable.
Fri. June 16, 1899
W. and I took an early start with Dawson, W. to Boston for the day and I just drove in to see him off, and do errands at Boston Store, etc., dear Aunt E.'s tact and devotion to the children made it perfectly comfortable for me to be away . On my return, I did the washing of bands, my own hair, & brushes; so in p.m., I took a good rest; Aunt E. went off for the beautiful pink orchids & came home with beautiful bunch. Dear Baby M. would be 15 mos. old to-day!
W. returned about midnight after a successful day in Boston; he slept late, so I mended lining of his coat before his breakfast; I also worked on a little galatea suit for H., taking a nap, however, in our nice new hammock before lunch; W. sr. took a long one in p.m. while I looked over clean clothes and helped Lizzie with baths for the little ones. A beautiful p.m. & almost too bad we did not take ocean drive. Little Gardner so cunning in [overalls].
Sun. June 18, 1899
Awake rested at a good time and first of all I attended to W's clothes; we have half an hour more, Sunday a.m. before breakfast so that made it perfectly easy to get in the four "older baths." We had a very happy a.m. Aunt E. took the older children off to see Mrs. Kendall, and while W. sr. was in town, I rested in the hammock and in the p.m. we all took the wonderful ocean drive together, & hated to have it over.
W. left us last evening for N.Y., and it seemed lonely all day without him. The children had their first reading hour at which my big boy W. was a little troublesome. The children all had a trip to Beach in p.m., & while they were gone I picked up soil [sic] clothing & made out washing list. Retired early & so missed the Kendall's visit but Edith was on hand.
Tues. June 20, 1899
A most comfortable day. I took quite a rest in the hammock before beginning on my a.m.'s sewing. The children had their noon reading hour indoors today. W. jr. writing to his father during that time. Aunt Edith & Lizzie took all the tots to the beach in p.m. & while they were gone, Jamie Gregg called & later Miss Woolsey & Miss Dora, the children returned before the latter was gone. I went to bed early.
Quite surprise [sic] that no storm from last evening's threat[en?], that seemed like Colorado. The a.m.'s are beautiful and I am very thankful to feel like improving them by, at last, getting square in my correspondence. Don Gregg came to lunch without Raynor. The "Buffalo Bill Show" was the greater attraction. We all enjoyed Don's visit; he and Jamie are sweet manly fellows.
Thur. June 22, 1899
The wind woke me even earlier than usual! But it did not worry me, as I was glad to begin writing at day light. The children all woke in good season, but are very good till Lizzie comes to my assistance. Aunt Edith took the boys off on a lovely tramp in a.m. and in p.m. they were pleasantly surprised by Raynor's call; he joined his school mates at the third beach for supper.
Up early again, & still at the kind notes written to me when Darling Margaret died, only answering them now. Aunt Edith has enjoyed reading them. The Express package from N.Y. came safely & gave perfect satisfaction, so now even our little girls are in overalls! Edith & I took a lovely walk up to the Kendall's in p.m., but we saw only Mrs. K.; we stopped at Mrs. [Peckham's] on our way home.
Sat. June 24, 1899
While I was mending early I happened to look out of Anne's window and there saw my W. sr arriving, a most pleasant surprise! Then Anne came about noon with her dear boys & little girl, so it was a day quite full of excitement and pleasure. A thunder storm came up just as Lizzie & I were giving Edith & Gardner hot baths. Ruth took supper with them.
W. sr. took W. jr. off on a tramp in town with him; they drove home & evidently had had a good time. I read Bible stories to my little boys at home, and about noon the rain came pouring down & lasted all the p.m., so the cousins had a lively time indoors. I read considerable all. Anne too tired to join us till
Noon. "Aunt Kitty" a host.
Mon. June 26, 1899
A beautiful morning after yesterday's splendid rain; I was up at 4 a.m. to begin on wash list, & mending; I had just about finished it by six a.m. when Polly came up for the clothes. "Papa" went down with us all to the beach, and Anne and I with Lizzie and the three littlest tots went in bathing; the latter did not like it at all. W. sr. took a carry all of people into town in p.m.
I slept till five a.m., & was much refreshed by cool night. I sat under trees with sewing, so as to be with my big W. as much as possible these last days he is with us. In p.m. we did our last errands together taking with us in the carryall the children who did not drive yesterday. "Papa" bought two beautiful wheels for W.jr. & H. Days are going all too fast.
Wed. June 28, 1899
An overcast morning-the kind I like; it went like a flash, being W.sr's last night with us. "Dick" Pell came over to lunch with us and the children behaved very well. It rained hard as little Gardner & I went out to see "Papa" off on his train for Boston. I did a few errands before coming back to Mrs. Barker's. It seemed very lonely without W. I went to bed early.
It was rather a doubtful a.m., so undecided as to our wearing apparel for Miss Woolsey's luncheon. It cleared at noon, however, and we enjoyed our time with Miss W. & Miss Dorn very much. On our return home, the tots all looked well cared for and happy, & then Anne & I returned to the station for Mamma who came to us on the 7 o'clock train. I telegraphed to W. at Chicago.
Fri. June 30, 1899
Anne & I a little tired after yesterday's festivities, and so were glad just to loaf around home with Mamma; it was lovely to have her so delighted with the coolness. W.jr. & H. very happy over their new wheels. "Papa's" good letter came while we were all on the piazza reading "Elizabeth & her letters from a German Garden." Dear Aunt Edith had "school" for me so I could loaf with the babies. Lizzie took a ride into town on her wheel.
Sat. July 1.
Another lovely cool a.m. I could not sleep after 2 a.m. but of course did not get up till daylight when I began on my day's correspondence. Mamma & I sewed on piazza near Edith who took to the housework today. Anne had her salt water bath & her ride on her wheel. I am lazy about going to the shore, but must "spunk up" after my return from Nantucket. Hot baths for littlest folks.
Sun. July 2, 1899
Pleasant but rather warmer than it has been. Mamma, Helen, Everett J, Roland & I drove into Old Trinity Church, which interested us much as well as the short, good sermon on Friendship by Mr. Stone. Anne took my Helen and W. & her Everett to Berkeley Chapel in p.m., Mr. Drinan going with them after his pleasant call upon us. Edith in bed all day and her nieces & nephews all devotion!
The a.m.'s are lovely and I am so happy to be again improving them. Mamma & I the first ones up in Mrs. Barker's house. I sewed a while while Anne was reading aloud in Aunt Edith's room the delightful "Elizabeth & her German Garden." In p.m. "Grandma", Aunt Anne, little Ruth, my Everett & I went in town on errands and to call on Miss Woolsey & Miss Dorn. We were very sorry to find them away.
Tues. July 4, 1899
The quietest Fourth of July I have known for many a year. The few fire crackers that Everett D. had, & the Jackson torpedoes were soon gone! I devoted myself a.m. & p.m. to getting ready for our trip to Nantucket to-morrow. It isn't so much getting out things as leaving everything in good order. Aunt Anne & Aunt Edith chaperoned a party of young folks to see fireworks in the neighborhood.
Up in very good season to finish my preparations for my going away. A "misty moisty morning" which made Grandma feel forlorn, & the children & me very good! Helen a great comfort; she gave me invaluable assistance both in the cars and the boat to Nantucket, very hot going thro' Taunton & other places. Saw W. a few moments in T. Lucilla & Dorothea joined us at Wood's Hole, & a jolly welcome at N. by Jennie & her girls.
Thur. July 6, 1899
Quite a sultry foggy a.m., but none the less pleasant to me this summer! Jennie & I sat out in piazza and visited till little Gardner's nap time when I wrote my card to M. at Newport, and my letter to W. in the far West. In p.m. Jeannie drove her houseful of guests, leaving little G. & me for our first visit on Miss Gardner'; she looked pretty sick, but was so tranquil & sweet & so pleased with her little namesake.
Still quite sultry, little G. broke my night and roused the others by crying "we won't be good, we won't be good." He wanted to get into my bed. He was bright & good in early morning. Helen & I went to see dear E.G. at his naptime; she seemed about as yesterday. After our rest in p.m. we took a lovely drive to the surf beach, and on our return home stopped another few moments at Capt. Baxter's to say Good bye to Miss Gardner.
Sat. July 8, 1899
Dear A's 42nd birthday. I was up at 4 a.m. in order to be sure that everything was ready for our early start by the Nantucket boat for Newport. Olive Reed came back with us and she was very sweet & helpful. Helen & Gardner wonderfully good travelers, the later sleeping on hurricane deck from Wood's Hole to New Bedford. It poured as we left Taunton, but was not bad as we reached Newport & such radiant faces as greeted [continued in next entry ]
[continued from above entry] my return; it almost paid to be away just to see them. We were too tired to plan to go into church. Anne read to quite an assembly of boys after breakfast, so I could "pick up" a little; I rested while the children were resting & then wrote notes to my big W. & Nathan. A delightfully cool day, but rather "blowy." Grandma & I & five of the children took a walk to the beach in p.m., Aunt E. & W.jr. joining us later.
Mon. July 10, 1899
A busy day here as well at home because of getting things ready for the wash. And to-day I prepared the better clothes, that we soiled on our journey, for a woman in town, so I had the two lists to make out. In p.m. Mamma & I, W.jr., Helen & Ruth all drove to town for quite a list of errands. I went to a homeopathic Dr. about my face; arsenicum was prescribed as well as a total abstinence from beef.
All of us quite exercised over Eva's unwillingness to take a week's vacation while Lizzie makes her N.J. visit; so poor Mamma had quite a time deciding what was best to do; but much to our relief, she said [K.?] might go to Boston to help M. close the house, & that would give Eva the week's notice necessary before her departure for good! Mamma really very tired, or she never would have come to this conclusion.
Wed. July 12, 1899
Up in good season to sew and write before breakfast. No further news from Mamie 11 o'clock mail, so K. kept to her plan of going to Boston in p.m.; she and Anne went to see Dr. Cleveland before dinner. We all hated see dear Aunt Edith go. I took a long nap after her departure so could not help take care of children as I had planned. Weather much warmer. Mamma's cold pretty bad.
The house seems very much quieter without dear "Aunt Kitty" who has found herself a host with the children. I did my usual writing and "picking up" in early p.m. & then after breakfast went to work on my sewing. I took all six of the children to the beach in p.m., and we all went in bathing, even little Gardner and Edith having on bathing suits again & enjoying a pretense of the real fun.
Fri. July 14, 1899
Up in good season to shut the blinds in downstairs room & in Helen's & Edith's room, then I mended in library till Gardner & Roland woke up. The weather quite a little warmer for this place. Anne again in bathing. I had a bad "crick" in my back, so I gave it up for to-day, and attended to mending, etc. I had letters from W. who was in a "mix up" over me & whom I took to Nantucket, but a p.m. letter to W.jr. showed he was straightened out. The four big boys went to see the Torpedo boats.
Up earlier enough to write to W., Margaret, Hannah Kate S, and May H, before breakfast. Lizzie took the children to their baths in the ocean; they were a little late in bringing Edith & Gardner back for their naps. Helen read to us under the trees while I was mending for the wash. Glad of good letters from M. & K. in p.m. i.e. Aunt K's was to W.jr. News also of Faith & Gregg's engagement.
Sun. July 16, 1899
Mamma had a bad spell of coughing in the night; Anne & I both went in to her; she said she did not feel ill. I did not get much sleep after that, thinking of my darling baby M. who would be 16 months to-day. A rainy rainy Sunday, so all of us stayed at home. Anne and I took turns with reading to the children. I had a good nap while A. had them at noon. Will came at 3 pm.; his W. & E. going over to meet him.
A very warm day, altogether the warmest we have had yet; we were rather relieved when I found that Mr. Dawson could not take us in town in the p.m. because of going to meet Mr. & Mrs. Merriam of Springfield. The children behaved wonderfully well at supper and we hope it will prove a help to have a gentleman at the head of the table. Mamma's cold better, but she felt the heat of the day very much. Good letters from Aunt Edith and "Papa."
Tues. July 18, 1899
A little breeze cam up about four o'clock which was most refreshing after a warm night. I sat out in piazza to write to K. before the children were awake. Mamma and I went in town before lunch as I happened to think that otherwise we should not see Dr. Stanton. He gave Mamma quite a no. of prescriptions which I hope will break up her persistent cough. We did all sorts of errands after our lunch & made no calls.
Mamma greatly relieved that Dawson has probably learned of the cape Mamma dropped out of carriage yesterday. A great relief to have it so much cooler. I loafed nearly all day, after my a.m. letters and lessons with children were attended to. The four older children had their ocean bath before dinner. W. jr. wrote to "Papa", & the others all read to me. Anne busy planning a trip to Taunton.
Thurs. July 20, 1899
Still cooler, a most delightful breeze coming from the North, so all the rooms comfortable last night. I began writing about 5 o'clock. The children all up in good season, too. Word came from M. & K. that they would be here on Evening boat, the same on that Lizzie wished to take for N.Y. Glad to have a line from W.sr. saying he approved of L's going for a week. Busy day changing trunks, putting away clothes, etc. I woke in time to greet M&K.
Both looked pretty tired from their efforts in closing house for Mamma; but I am thankful she did not try to do it, she seems so very tired; her cold is better, tho' her cough still holds on very long. Mamie & I had a lovely drive with Mrs. Pell, not getting home till almost two o'clk. We were too late for the Yacht race, but the Ocean drive is always delightful. Aunt Edith takes hold as if she were always "nurse" to children. Dear Mamie 34 years old to-day.
Sat. July 22, 1899
Mr. Merriam gave the children & we "grown ups" after breakfast in his first reading from "Uncle Remus." Aunt Edith took W.jr. and Roland into town for me, the former for shoes, the latter for his eye. Aunt Mamie & Aunt Anne had Helen & Everett in bathing with them, while I put Edith & little Gardner to bed and rested myself a while with them. The children had a lovely letter from "Papa." Mr. & Mrs. Copeland came to spend Sunday with Manton.
Grandma's cold still better and we are much relieved. Thundering in early a.m. without rain. Storm came after breakfast. Mr. & Mrs. Merriam the only ones who went to church. Annie read to the boys while I took a rest with Edith & Gardner when at their naps. In p.m. there was a bicycle party over to the Berkeley Chapel and Anne joined that. Aunt Edith took three young men to call on the Kendalls, and I took my darlings to the beach.
Mon. July 24, 1899
A warm overcast a.m. Mr. Copeland formed a party to take the Cliff Walk. My W.jr., and Aunt Mamie joined it as well as Mr. & Mrs. Merriam. They returned about 2 o'clock delighted with their trip. Anne drove in with Mrs. Copeland, taking her Everett and little Ruth. Aunt Edith did not feel very well and had to go to bed, so Aunt M. & I "tended" the children. Mrs. Sturtevant called while we were in charge, also Mrs. Pell.
A lovely rain storm. I was up early enough to write to W. before breakfast, and that was all. I gave Dawson a check to cash. Mr. Merriam kindly read "Uncle Remus" to the children after breakfast then I had lessons with my boys; while the three little ones were sleeping we "grown-ups" joined Aunt E. & read aloud in her room; "Elizabeth & her German Garden" was our delight with a.m. & p.m., finishing it at supper time.
Wed. July 26 1899
Another lovely moist a.m. I was thru' my bath and writing by five a.m.; notes to dear W. & Annie [Hogan?] first. It proved much too uncertain a day to think of going in town. Mr. Merriam gave us another reading from Uncle Remus which started things pleasantly for the day. We began "Solitary Summer" but did not read together as much as yesterday. Mamma better. A party went to bathe in p.m.
At last Mamma & I were able to make our trip into town taking with us Everett and Roland. We went to Dr. Santon's first, as Mamma needed her prescriptions. I had to buy a new "Uncle Remus" for Redwood Library. We accomplished quite a number of errands the two hours & a half that we were gone! On my return to dinner found four letters from [Lou?], Suzie W., Caroline H. & dear W. Good to have Aunt Edith down again.
Fri. July 28, 1899
Quite a memorable day among the happy Newport experiences-the arrival of Everett D's billy goat and cart! The string of eight children going to meet it & then of its reception! Lizzie returned from N.Y., so that was a relief and satisfaction. About four o'clk Billy D. drove Anne, Mamma & me to make some calls. We returned Miss Arnold's, Mrs. Berkstans's, The Kendall's, etc.!
A lovely a.m., and all the older children up in good season to see how billy goat fared. It is a pleasure to see how much satisfaction he gives to our band of little people! Mamma & I mended most of the day. Mr. M. read in the a.m. to the children, and they read short lessons after the ocean baths. The four youngest had their hot baths. Glad of good letter from "Papa."
Sun. July 30, 1899
A rainy a.m.! I wrote to W. before breakfast, afterwards I had the children in my room till Anne was ready to read to them. I took a little rest while Edith & Gardner were taking their naps. The flies would not let me sleep long! It cleared in p.m. so Aunt Edith took Jacob & we all drove over to Berkeley Chapel to hear Mr. Stone preach - dear little G's first appearance at church & he appeared most at home.
A wonderfully cool a.m.-a fresh breeze from the North. It is a great pleasure to see Mamma getting stronger-her appetite is much better now. I had good letter from W., just before taking my salt water bath. Only Everett & Roland went with me. The other children had engagements, the little ones their naps; & the biggest ones were off on their wheels with Aunties Anne & Mamie.
Tues. Aug. 1, 1899
A lovely a.m. I wrote out in piazza before sunrise-much less fog lately. I sent a small washing into town by Dawson, also my July check to cash. Gave most of it to E.C.B. in appreciation of all she is doing for me this summer. Helen & her big brother went off on a wheel trip while I took the two middle sized boys in bathing with me - the water very cold so I did not stay in long. No word from Aunt M. Good letter from W.
I did not dare go in bathing to-day as I did not feel quite so well after yesterday's plunge - then too there was shortness of time, as I had clean clothes to put away and the trip to town in p.m. Aunt Edith & her namesake had their photographs taken while little Gardner & Roland kept me company at the dentist's. Dr. Brackett found plenty to do in the poor old tooth that gave me concern. Home quite late, so that the people at Mrs. B's had begun to be alarmed!
Thur. Aug. 3, 1899 [continues into Friday 4.]
I was up early enough to write dear W's letter and to send checks to Harry for stockings & to Dr. Brackett for my teeth. Quite a foggy day-the reading by Mr. Merriam came later in a.m. than usual, so I washed hair in the first part of a.m. All of us much interested in hearing of Regina Lunt's engagement to Mr. Clarence Phelps Dodge. Mrs. L. wrote of it from Providence. She may come to see us. Very nice to have Dorothea Whorf with us-she is staying over at the other Mrs. Barkers where Mamma will go as soon as she feels she [sic] sure Aunt M. & Hannah are coming. Word came at last this p.m. that they hoped to start for Newport next Monday. Mamie very busy preparatory to leaving for N.H. to-morrow. Colds all better. We hope Mamma's is at last checked.
Friday 4. [entry above continues into space for Friday 4.]
Sat. Aug. 5, 1899
Because of having hot baths before breakfast to-day, I did not find a moment for writing to W. - it rained early so W.R.D. kindly offered to drive us in town to meet Mabel L. We did errands before and after going to the train, & so did not get out to the house much before luncheon. Mabel looking very well, took a good rest under the trees after her nap, had supper, then a romp with the children, & then she was off again for N.Y. I rode in with her.
Because of being up late last evening did not feel like getting up early, so loafed in bed as long as the children would let me. I read to the children out under the trees, no one in a very good listening mood. It cleared off at noon, so even Grandma decided to go to services at Berkeley Chapel, Billy again driving old Jacob for me. Mr. Drinan preached and we were all very glad to hear him. Edith & Gardner very good. I wrote to W. & Nathan.
Mon. Aug. 7, 1899
Such a busy day getting everything in readiness for Aunt M. & Dr. Hannah. Mamma was moved over to other house by noon & in middle of p.m. word came that our expected guests would arrived [sic] at seven p.m., -- so W.jr. went with Dawson to meet them and I took late supper with the Aunts & Jr. Aunt E. went in town on her wheel. Very good to see Dr. H. & Aunt M.
Dear Everett's birthday, the little Mt. born boy is 8 years old to-day. He was quite happy to find his chair so full of presents when he came down to breakfast. Mrs. Pell took Aunt H. & me into town, --& in p.m. we all went on to the rocks near Purgatory; a most beautiful day; I am very much delighted that we are having such good weather for Dr. & Aunt M.
Wed. Aug. 9, 1899
Another cool a.m. - thermometer only 50° when I first looked out-of-doors. Mr. Merriam gave us a delightful reading from "Life & Letters" from Caroline C. Briggs; Dawson brought our pretty new [Kemmas?], a good letter came from W. but very sorry to hear that our Nellie may not be strong enough to return to us. The Ocean Drive in p.m. a great delight to us all. Everything perfect except the behavior of one or two!
Up very early to write to W. but went back again for a nap when dear little Gardner first roused. Aunt M. & I took a little walk to-gether after know [sic] of Lizzie's very narrow escape while bathing; the undertow carried her out and but for a strong man's help in swimming to her & she being able to float till he reached her, the summer would have had a very sad ending. Ella very much upset. Lizzie very self controlled.
Friday. Aug. 11, 1899
A regular "drizzle drizzle," so Aunt M., Dr. H. & I decide to give up going to Boston til Monday. Mrs. Merriam read "Uncle Remus" to us all after breakfast. The children wonderfully contented considering how much they have to be kept in these doubtful days. Aunt M. & sister H., seem to be enjoying every moment of their visit with us. I had to take a rest in p.m. & so was able to sit up in evening with my guests.
Still uncertain weather so we are quite satisfied not to be in Boston. A short a.m., after Mr. M's pleasant reading, because of going going [sic] over to "Grandma's" to dinner; about half past three it seemed pleasant, so we drove in town and from there started out for Vanderbilt Haven & "St. Mary's," but we had not gone far in that direction before a dense fog arose! Everything very wet when we returned!
Sun. Aug. 13, 1899
Quite a safe a.m. to go in town. Aunt M. had a headache, so did not go, so Aunt Edith went with sister H, Roland & me; and Wm jr. accompanied us on his wheel. Rev. Alex McKay Smith preached well on the "Still Small Voice." Aunt Annie invited Aunt Margaret to go with her to Berkeley chapel in p.m., and Aunt Hannah & I also went in the old [carry?]-all, taking Dorothea & Helen. Mr. [Drinan?] preached.
A lovely a.m. for our trip into Boston. I hated to leave my darlings, & yet I wanted to see all I could of Aunt M. & Dr. H. We reached Boston about 10:30, Cousin Fanny meeting us. Dr. H. & I called first on Dr. Culbertson at 33 Newberry St.; she was very cordial and especially glad to see Sister H. After lunch and after visiting, Cousin F. took her these "big women" over to Cambridge which is always lovely.
Tues. Aug. 15, 1899 [continues into section for Wed. Aug. 16, 1899]
Awake early and refreshed, so was the first one to bathe; I was glad to feel like writing early to my big W. & to Suzie Wentworth about visiting me at Newport. Right after breakfast Aunt Hannah & Fannie started for down town. After I had seen Dora Cutler and May Rollins at Public Library, I went down town where the others joined me. We did a very successful a.m's shopping, rested p.m. til it was time to go to train and was I glad to be back with my darlings at Newport, tho' it seemed lonely to return without the Jackson sisters. Mamie met us in Boston and came back with me & into my guest room, -- as I heard that Suzie could not come. Mrs. Brookstone's pleasant lunch-I was very stupid because of being a little tired from yesterday's jaunt. Anne took Mamma calling later in p.m.
Wednesday 16. [included in entry above]
Thur. Aug 17, 1899
Aunt Edith kindly gave Lizzie her p.m. while I was gone and I was very glad for to-day was full enough with Mrs. Pell's party for the children, as well as the Fair at [Boothdom?]! I was too tired to go to Either, so, after supervising wardrobes, took a good nap, and then retired early. It is very good to have Mamma really well again, & going to everything.
Most of the household rather tired from yesterday's festivities, so not much accomplished in the a.m. Mr. Merriam finished "Nights with Uncle Remus" to the children. I had a letter from W. saying he might start the 20th, but I shall still keep on writing till I know definitely. Another fog is upon us, and with it very much warmer weather than the first of the week.
Sat. Aug. 19, 1899
Still the fog continues, but we find plenty to do not withstanding. Mr. Merriam gave a most delightful reading, the first from Wm. & Lucy Smith, to Mamma & her four daughters; all of us mending. No news from dear Papa, so we do not know whether he has started for us. We were all quite disappointed that the fog was too dense for us to have a picnic to Shelly Beach.
A damp sultry a.m. and none of us felt like going into church except Anne who took Dorothea, her Everett & Roland. I did quite a stroke of work in letters, and at last have answered all those that came when our darling baby Margaret left us last winter. Aunt Edith had the big ones off with her most all day. I took a nap in hammock. Hot!
Mon. Aug. 21, 1899
Up early to attend to wash lists, one for here, and one for town. I was delighted to get a note from dear "Papa", but sorry to learn that he could not leave before the 25th, & greatly shocked to hear of Mr. Clayton's death. W.jr. went in town with Grandma & the Aunties Banfield in a.m.; and Helen and I went in in p.m. to meet Jennie & her Helen. It was so lovely that we took the ocean drive much to Jennie's enjoyment.
Not a very bright morning but it cleared by eleven, so then Jennie & Anne, & her Everett, & I went into the Casino, and enjoyed the sights as well as the finals of tennis tournament. In p.m. we lounged till it was time to take a dip in the ocean where some of us drove down in carryall with old Jacob-this made the driving etc. much easier. Very stupid in p.m.
Wed. Aug. 23, 1899
Another "moisty, misty morning." Jennie and I called on Mamma before starting for town. We met the letter carrier who gave Jennie her letter but not the telegram, telling her to stay longer! Billy wheeled into town with it, but reached the station just as Jennie's train was moving out! Mamie and I did our errands and made our party calls. As long as the children could not have their group taken at Mr. Kendall's Lizzie kindly waited for her afternoon.
Our mornings seem very uncertain. Just as Mr. Merriam was about finishing his delightful loud reading it poured, so we all had to take refuge in various parts of the house. It cleared enough in p.m. for Mr. Kendall to take the groups, so quite an undertaking to get all up there! Aunts Mamie & Edith took care of the children in p.m. while Lizzie was in town and while I was clearing up! Delighted to get W's telegram.
Fri. Aug. 25, 1899 [continues in entry for Saturday 26.]
Awake early and refreshed because of going to bed so early last evening. I answered [Serene?] Marshall's letter about dear Alice G. i.e. I wrote again to Alice whose serious illness is a great
great [sic.. intended grief?] to me. I also sent a card to Caroline H. K. & I decided to drive in town on errands with Dawson and we had a funny time because several of the stores were not opened! Nor the Shampooer ready, & yet we had everything done before 10:20 for K. did my errands. We all went in bathing on return & dear W. came in upon us at 8:30! Such a reception as "Papa"; all the tots came pouring in to see him. Little Gardner begged him to take a rest with him at naptime this morning which W. was glad to do because of his long journey & fatigue therefrom. I rested before lunch so as to be as fresh as possible for bicycle lesson, & what fun it was to have W. share it with me! I wonder which one of us will learn it first! Mrs. Peckam is kindly making me bicycle trousers.
Sat. Aug. 26. [included above]
Sun. Aug. 27, 1899
A beautiful day-all of us glad to stay quietly at home. Mr. & Mrs. Merriam were the only ones to attend church. Grandma& Mamie came over and sat with us under the trees. Will Davenport arriving about 11:30. Aunt Edith came down to dinner and stayed in the hammock all the p.m. W. & I walked down to beach & back with W. jr. and H. but we did not find the children as we expected. I retired early because of Lizzie's going to church.
Another lovely fall-like a.m. and I was refreshed & so dressed in good season. It is so good to have dear "Papa" with us again. We had a drive in town in a.m. and met Lucilla; Mamie drove in with W. jr., and W. sr. and me. I had a nap after lunch and so was ready for bicycle lesson with W. at four p.m. I am progressing but not as rapidly as W. who I think enjoys the experiment. W. left on the Fall River boat for N.Y.
Tues. Aug. 29, 1899
Awake in good season & so wrote notes to W. and Suzie W. who I hope will stay over a night at least. All had a good time bathing; I feel as if each trip to the beach now, may be my last. May Hanson enjoyed seeing all the tots in the bath. I was again ready for a good rest, after lunch which put me in good humor for my bicycle lessons. Mrs. Peckham has helped me on mending & with bicycle trousers.
It seems very lonely without dear W., but no [sic] as lonely as when he is so much farther away. I spent part of a.m. over in Mamma's piazza, with my sewing; on return had to put away clean clothes etc. Children all very well & happy, and delighted to go off on picnic with their Aunt Edith, taking supper with them. I took mine with Grandma & Aunt M who did not seem very well.
Thur. Aug. 31, 1899
My uncomfortableness and Anne's lameness of back resulted in our going to Dr. Cleveland's together, & such times as we had, planning to avoid Dawson's curiosity! Suzie came on 11 a.m. train, she had but the day with us, so I gave another "whole sale" ocean drive in p.m. which proved most delightful. I telegraphed to W. and Mabel L. after return.
Fri. Sept. 1
Because of our possible departure for home next week, I had to send in second wash to-day - hence made a break in night to fix list. Anne kind enough to let me go into Dr. C's again under pretence for her. Mamma rode in with us, but I have not told her yet of the trouble. Dr. C. so relieved with effect of medicine that he did not insert a bladder pessary.
Sat. Sept. 2, 1899
Very thankful to feel so much better, and very glad to see W safe back from N.Y. & B. about noon - it was going to Boston to look up our arrangements for going home that made him so much later than we expected in returning to Newport. We sat & sewed in p.m., except dear Aunt K. & the children who had a roll down the reservoir hill, and came home looking about as dirty - but happy as possible!
A lovely day for our last Sunday in Newport. Aunt M. & Aunt K. took most of the tots over to [Wakluse?], while I stayed quietly at home with W. sr; in p.m. surprised to see our bicycle master arrive with one "built for two" on which both W. & I each in turn took a ride. While easy, it was a little too small for my comfort. Anne & Will were spectators, as well as others.
Mon. Sept. 4, 1899
W. sr. and I set out for what errands we might accomplish in town on Labor Day. The most important one for me, of course, was going to see Dr. C., but he was very late and so could only give a hurried diagnosis to W. etc. And I think, on the whole, we were both glad that he decided to fit me out with a pessary I was too tired to do much at packing in p.m. The children off on a lovely picnic.
W. again in Newport to make final arrangements for our start to-morrow; and I had a busy, busy a.m. finishing the packing. In p.m. we had a lovely little informal entertainment on the lawn, even Edith taking part in her funny little way. Aunt M. "snapped" Mr. Merriam surrounded by the children. W. sr. and I took dinner with Grandma, & she & M. came over to supper with us.
Wed. Sept. 6, 1899
A beautiful cool a.m. to start on our journey - all the tots awake even earlier than was necessary for our very early breakfast. Grandma and Aunt Mamie drove over to see us off. Cousins Fannie, Mattie and [Issacher?] met us at Boston where we had an hour to wait. The children very good all day. I sent postal back to Newport when we reached Albany. Lizzie the only one that was car sick. All went to bed early, after having good supper in the diner.
Our train nearly two hours late, so we had breakfast very late; we took out of our lunch basket when first awake. The weather as warm as any we have had all summer; we all felt the heat very much especially little Garner; and how glad we were to reach Chicago & go to the hotel for baths and dinner. Annie met us and took the little girls to supper with her; so "Papa" & I had only the boys.
Fri. Sept. 8, 1899
We were all very grateful to wake and find it so much cooler day [sic] for to-day's journey. The car we were in was filled with Colorado Springs people; the children very good all day, interested in sight seeing and the different Nebraska cities etc. About 5 p.m. Mr. & Mrs. Gile with their family joined ours and the children had a great time comparing notes etc.! I was glad to settle for the night early.
We arrived in a "misty moisty morning" like one in Newport - the home looked lovely to us all, but of course, seemed lonely with no suggestion about of the darling baby girl, i.e. no baby carriage in the playroom, etc. I put on old dress and with Nellie's help unpacked the numerous traveling bags, sorting the soiled & clean clothes. Mrs. Hatch and Miss Clark called in the p.m. The children all delighted to get at their old playthings!
Sun. Sept. 10, 1899
Dear little Gardner three years old to-day; I was too tired to go to church, so I rested with little G. at his naptime. Sallie took all the others to her church except W.jr., who went to his own church and heard Dr. Slocum. Alice J went with us on the family drive in p.m. - we went into North Cheyenne Ca?on where the children were very glad to romp once more.
I did not try to unpack much as I had so much mending to do for the wash; Sallie helped me with it, when she was thru' with all her other work. Mrs. Lunt called just as I was glad to take a little rest. My physical ailment caused me great discomfort all day. W.jr. went to Raynor Gardner's party in the p.m. Dr. Slocum called before dinner but could not stay.
Tues. Sept. 12, 1899
I was so uncomfortable yesterday & last night, that W. wanted me to go to Dr. Hart and report my condition as found by Dr. C. in Newport; Dr. H's diagnosis the same as the one made in the East. W. met me in car and we went together to see Husm and Alice; H. was out in his chair, & while apparently comfortable, he looked very ill to me. Dr. H. came to see me in p.m., and removed the pessary which gave more discomfort, than comfort. Little Gardner sleeps very well now.
Lizzie took a note to Alice J. asking if she would not join us for the Flower Parade, but word came back that Husm had had his first hemorrhage last evening & that of course she would not leave him. Dr. H. tried to make me in comfortable condition for the Gala Day, but I was not --& then, too, the grandstand was partially demolished by the wind storm, so W. & I took the children to the Bank as quickly as possible, & Dr. H. came to me again after dinner.
Thur. Sept. 14, 1899 [continues into entry for Friday, 15th]
Dr. H. came pretty soon after breakfast and inserted a tampon which gave me wonderful relief all day. I could hardly believe myself the same woman for, tho' busy over the rest of the unpacking, in p.m. I began to feel myself much more comfortable. Early in the day, I was much the worse for the wear & tear of yesterday. Glad of letters again from Newport. Dr. H. anxious about Miss Stearns and Husm. The latter having had more hemorrhages, and the former sinking very rapidly from her first large one. I was out on piazza when Dr. called, and he found me so comfortable that he did nothing & went right back to Miss S. who was released from all suffering at 2 p.m. The wave of sadness has again come to our little town. The children [sic] colds quite severe.
Friday 15. [Included in above]
Sat. Sept. 16, 1899
Quite a cold rain a.m. Lizzie did not go to Cripple Creek as she had planned, because of bad day, but had to go to her recitations, which come this year, just the same on Saturdays as on other days. Helen & Edith went to Eleanor Anderson's birthday party, and had a very happy time. I do not forget that my darling baby M. would be 18 mos. old to-day, if she had stayed with us! Dr. H. called for a few minutes.
Miss Maynard called before breakfast to say how ill poor Husm was during the night. I took a telegram & sent it to Mother Caleb before breakfast, as Alice did not want to leave her brother. W.sr. and I spend most of our a.m. at Alice's; we could not do anything only to let her feel we were in [readiness?] Dr. Hart found him much more comfortable in p.m. and the immediate alarm over. Dr. Slocum took lunch with us.
Mon. Sept. 18, 1899
No quite so busy a day as a week ago when I had so much clutter about, and also so much mending to do for the wash; but I have just succeeded in getting out of sight the last of the unpacking, tho' I am far from being settled for the winter. I went to dear Miss Stearn's funeral services, so simply and well conducted by Mr. Fish. I went to see Alice afterwards who was much calmer than yesterday - poor Husm comfortable but very weak.
Dear Papa's birthday; as it was Lizzie's late a.m. at College. I read to W.sr., right after breakfast and then went down town with him on errands, going to see Alice, & also Miss Dorsey and Miss Henry about the children's school work that will begin next week. I rested in p.m. till it was almost time to go to C.A. meeting at Miss Stuart's. Mrs. Ordway called just before. Children's colds better. I began letter to Grandma but did not finish it.
Wed. Sept. 20, 1899
A mean "crick" in my back, and other ways not very spunky, so I was glad to stay quietly at home all day. The boys played a little too much with water in a.m. so had to take a rest at noon. Helen read very sweetly to me as I sewed for a while. Mrs. Lancaster's funeral this p.m., but W. & I were unable to attend it, so I was glad Lizzie could go. I stayed with children part of the time L. went with G. & little girls to the barber's later. All much improved.
W.sr. had to go off on early train, so little Gardner & I were the only ones to take breakfast with him before 7 o'cl'k - the rest not awake & ready before regular time at 7:45. I stayed on piazza til 10 a.m. & then worked over clean clothes till Mabel L. made a pleasant call. I finished letter to Mamma, and was delighted to see W.sr. back for lunch. W.jr. very good about doing my errands.
Fri. Sept. 22, 1899
Still warm & lovely, so that the children are out from morning till night; I sat on piazza with them till nearly noon. I was too lacking in energy to accomplish much, & yet could not get a nap as I wanted. Lizzie cleaned her rooms, as she is going home to-morrow. All the dear children getting quite calmed down now, and all are better, nearly well from their colds. I was much pleased that the children took their disappointment of not going to Lizzie's home, so well.
W.sr. and Everett took their breakfast together, the latter sleeping till nearly 9 o'cl'k. Lizzie left us soon after breakfast. I helped Sallie in playroom some, & then took four of the children down town on errands. On return home, I found that my poor old tipped organ was giving me trouble, so as soon as possible, I shall want Dr. Hart to insert another tampon. A welcome letter from Anne. Poor Mrs. Sanford died suddenly a week ago. Dr. Hart came in evening after hot baths & supper were over, hence I had a good night.
Sun. Sept. 24, 1899
Very thankful to feel so well & comfortable & like taking five children to our own church again. Rev. Wm. Patchell of Pueblo preached, on our being created in God's image. W.sr. joined us after services and we all walked together to Miss Maynard's but "Cousin' Alice" was not there. "Papa" & Sallie took the children to Ca?on in p.m., so I rested and wrote letters. Lizzie returned in late p.m. I read aloud a little while.
Will B. spent the night with us, tho' most of us did not know it till morning! He took lunch as well as breakfast. Five of the children started again in school, little Edith very happy to go off with the others. Lizzie bro't her home at noon. W.jr. glad of "Goat poem" from Aunt Edith. Yesterday both he and I had good letters from her. I mended for children & the wash much of the day. Poor Husm very low indeed.
Tues. Sept. 26, 1899
It is beautiful weather, it really seems a shame to be in the house these days. I did make dear Alice a long visiting, sitting out on lawn with her. Mabel L. and Mrs. Gregg both stopped to pay a visit while I was there. Husm more comfortable again, and Alice hopeful. Little Edith very happy at her new play & work, and is very good about resting on her return home; I hope the four big ones are [taking?] hold well.
A very hard day for me to get started in the duties that press on every side. W.sr. went to Alice in a.m. I did get out at noon to call for little Edith. George Gilman here to finish up the windows all over the house -seeing them clean does one good. I was too dull all the p.m. to help Lizzie much with the children while Sallie was out. I did unpack freight box, c'est tout.
Thur. Sept. 28, 1899
The wind storm of last night seem [sic] to put a better quality in the air, and I felt much more like working than yesterday. After starting the children for the day, I worked at mending & clean clothes; W.sr. again went to see Alice and found Husm really sitting up a little; it seems almost incredible. I got off a letter to Hong Kong & to Caroline H. in p.m. I hope R's messages will soon come.
I do feel so thankful that the "May Flint" is safely in China; for Mamma has been so anxious these long weeks of delay. I made Alice a short visit in p.m., and found her almost too bouyant over Husm's improved condition, for we know only too well, that it cannot last very long. Mrs. Barney came to do my hair, giving it a good "shampoo" this time.
Sat. Sept. 30, 1899
Lizzie had a little "bite' by herself early, so as to go on her Geological Expedition up to Lodge Moraine; I got down just in time to see her start. Sallie & I got along very comfortable with the dear children; Helen & Edith went over to Anne's; and Roland went to Eleanor Washburn's for the day, so that made the a.m. very peaceful! I had to go to Dr. Hart's in p.m., met Alice there, & so did not go to Miss Maynard's but called on Mrs. Stevens and Mrs. Washburn instead.
Sun. Oct. 1
Another beautiful Sunday. We all went about 10 a.m. to see Alice who still hoped she could take the family drive with us. The dear five school children went to church with me, and little Edith rested on her return till lunch time. When we all drove to Miss Maynard's in p.m., poor Husm was worse and Alice left word that she could not go with us, so I picked up Priscilla and we all drove to Manitou. I called on brave little Mrs. [Moss?]
Mon. Oct. 2, 1899
The children bright and well for school - dear Everett, our latest sleeper is greatly helped by his wheel! As soon as the household was started for the day, I went up to see Alice who keeps up well under her deep, deep trouble; Husm about the same, except that he must be growing steadily weaker. Dear W.sr. none the worse for his narrow escape last night, when thrown down by a bicyclist - of course he is a little lame. Busy all p.m. over clothes, both soiled and clean! Lizzie helped with lessons.
Quite a wintry a.m. Sallie helped me with the getting the [gloves?] into the fall jackets etc.; all the five school children were glad to have their fingers covered. Little Gardner played happily over his pictures till Sallie was ready for him. After reading paper etc. to W.sr., I went up to see sad, lonely Alice again, who seems very glad to see me each day. I got at my bills in the p.m., making out checks for summer & Sept. Will came in about 8 o'cl'k.
Wed. Oct. 4, 1899
Will was up with us for breakfast, as he went to see Alice. I did not go to-day at all. A very dull feeling day, tho' there seems absolutely no reason for me to be so inactive. I long for my old activity; it did come back during the summer, and I trust this spell of discouragement may not last much longer. Poor little Everett distressed about his wheel which was not returned after lending it to a Colored boy!
Will slept up at Miss Maynard's as Dr. Hart had to be out of town overnight; Husm told his sister this a.m. that he was very very tired, too tired to talk, and Will had not been gone but a few hours before his Cousin H was released from his suffering. The word came to us at lunch; so W. & I went right to her afterward but did not stay long, as there was nothing for us to do. She came to us for the night. I wrote several letters for her. Everett & Wm went on a hunt for the lost wheel & found it.
Fri. Oct. 6, 1899
A warm bright day, but such a sad one! Will came in during the night and took a late breakfast with his Uncle Will this morning, and then went up to be with Alice, to help in her last hard day here. Little Gardner and I took the car to Las Animas street & got her washing for her; and in p.m. we went to take a last look at handsome Husm; before his body should be taken East. Alice & Will came here to dinner and then W. saw Alice start on her long, lonely journey.
W. & I felt rather forlorn. I took a late breakfast with W., so did not help as I expected to, Sallie's busy morning. It was hard to get at anything till after lunch when work came easier and of which, there is always plenty. W. jr., Helen, and Everett went to a [cabinet?] party at Minerva Giles, so they did not have their hot baths as usual. Very glad of a good long letter from Aunt Edith, who is still in Boston. I wish they would not go to Wolfboro at all.
Sun. Oct. 8, 1899
A beautiful fall day, but not so bright to me because the burdens of life seemed heavier than they should! I took five children, little Edith being just as good as could be, to the Methodist church to hear Dr. Lancaster preach on "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on Earth," and his sermon helped me. I read to the dear bright children before & after lunch. The latter part of the p.m. "Papa" and Sallie took all six out for a little outing. And I longed inexpressibly for my baby daughter while resting.
Very forlorn and did not take breakfast till W.sr. did, about 10 o'clock. I was glad to do a little work at clothes and sewing before lunch. Just too stupid to do much of anything in p.m., beside a little reading etc. It seemed too bad that I was not even spunky enough to get off a good home letter. What shall I do if this lasts all winter?
Tues. Oct 10. 1899
I was not quite so lazy as yesterday morning, for I did manage to gather the rest of the soiled clothes for Louise before breakfast, but no mater how hard I try to get into affairs again, everything seems lifeless, and as it did last winter for so many, many weeks. Oh, may the cloud lift sooner this time, or my poor family will see poor "Mamma"[distrait?]
Mrs. Barney came just as I was finishing reading the paper to W.; as it was only a brushing it did not take very long. I pressed our clothes before lunch, and afterwards Oh! Dear such a forlorn afternoon. The spell seems to be growing worse instead of better, and what should have bro't it on I cannot see; of course I am hoping the physical cause may yet be removed & give me the longed for relief.
Thur. Oct 12, 1899
After starting pretty well, about noon, all interest fled and while in 3rd floor I stayed and could not make up my mind to go to lunch, and on returning to my room stayed there all p.m., not going to dinner either, which was all wrong, not any excuse, even if I did not want to eat, & see faces or talk. Oh! My poor W. & children!
Sat. Oct. 14, 1899
I was out on piazza with children till nearly eleven o'clock, while out Dr. H. called for a moment or two. I had Helen's and Roland's lessons while out-of-doors. After lunch the listlessness came on and tho' I tried to conquer it, I did not succeed, and poor Sallie and Lizzie had to put the baths thro' without me. W. sr. very patient and kind with me & my failings.
Too tired to stir, so stayed in bed till lunch time, so the poor children were neglected and did not go to church. Will turned up at for lunch [sic], having been to our church for services. His visit made our afternoon pleasant. Dr. H. called in a.m. and tried to encourage me, that my discouragement would soon pass away. Will it?
Mon. Oct. 16, 1899
Little Margaret would be 19 mos. Old to-day and I have missed her more than words can tell during these fall days. I was glad to be up & stirring and trying to do things even if not accomplishing very much. A welcome line from Aunt Margaret about Alice's safe journey home. Mrs. Luckcraft and Isable [sic] called to ask the children to the [Cutter's?] party on Saturday. Such good times look so hard to me, - & yet the children ought to have them.
Quite cool again, and what wouldn't I give, if I were all ready for winter! After talking over affairs with W.sr. after lunch, he said I would better write to Miss Miller and to Aunt Hannah about Rose's coming out, & when I feel like myself I feel as if both plans would be good; but when not, it seems as if both would be a failures [sic]. I wish I could stop thinking.